Supervixen or Stupid Girl?

it's about time, it's about time. it's about time, it's about time...

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 22:09:37 GMT

well hello there

(months have passed, dead parts of you have grown, live ones too no doubt, will any of you remember the true Phoenix?)

seems I've hit one of "Those" moments in my life

1) I feel the need to blog
2) I feel the need to cut away dead things

in this vein, i shall proceed to outline my big PLAN, my plan to keep me going for another few months

...but first, TEA (*tis cold, fingers need warming, sugar needs imbibing)

Ok, (co-op tea if your interested, nowt fancy this late at night!)

first things first, LJ, like Open Diary before it and others after it, has become meaningless to me, i have 1, maybe 2 friends who use it, no real communities i partake in on it, and my f-list is full of people who either NEVER update or obsessively update about things that don't mean anything to me as i'm not really involved in their lives

combine with that my current thoughts on THE INTERNET. Basically the net has become a dangerous place, a dangerous and completely necessary place. Which is of course brilliant and worrying.

Back in the day, i blogged about personal and strange things, but now i rarely write down anything that i'd like to, and i am busy with the many stupid distractions the internet provides.

Facebook and other "network" sites alongside google and the directory sites have rendered the anonymous nature of posts and blogs and basically 'having a 'NET personality' moot.

With this in mind i plan, and have unwittingly detailed here, my own internet "death".

Maybe it's just that time, like back in 2005 when i became Phoenix, (maybe i NEED this every 4/5 years? who knows)

but yes, too many things are undo-able, it's hard to unlink all your accounts, delete all your personal details and ensure your cached google results eventually dwindle and die.

Chebbs was great, but Chebbs is Phoenix and Phoenix was Debs, so Chebbs has to die and Phoenix has to be reborn without links, without traceability. Phoenix must exist because you can't exist in the real world if you don't exist in email and in work.

...but, there has to be something else.

so goodbye LJ, goodbye the many accounts from 1997 onwards
we're moving on, something's will still exist, changes will be noticed but as with any thing on the internet you'll forget it in a couple months... don't fight it, accept it.

Stop thinking
Keep moving
The trick is to keep breathing

...delete in 1 day...

Free to go anywhere

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 11:20:41 GMT

Free to go anywhere,
originally uploaded by chebbs.

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 00:34:11 GMT

hello all
time once again to revive old habits:

this week i shall be reviving the "Request a pic" from 2006 - check here
(yes i did that 3 years ago...*phew time passes to quickly*)

so.. get any requests in here, i have a better camera than 3 years ago, more props, fewer hours to spare but more fondness for getting up at the crack of dawn just to make more hours in my day for photos :)

I've already had from my fav IRC channel (irc.sorcery.net #btc):
BobDragonslayer: "the melancholy of the spatula" AND "amalgamated futons"
aaaanddd...UPDAT'D:
Sev: "something really old like a dolmen or a really ancient castle , middle age old or older"
Dane: "Request: Kilt!"
Sqrrl101: "The triumph of technology" AND "Your friend, the atom"
Skizo "hobos in canoes" OR "the kayaking homeless"

i'll collate these for a week - get your skates on - then i'll be taking photos :)
Anyone and everyone can post a request here (link this page to your friends!), photos will be put up at the usual Flickr addy and an ickle prize will go to the best suggestion (as chosen by me..cos i'm doing all this!)

GO NUTS!
NIM NIM NIM

*phe*

not like myself...

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 20:10:54 GMT

woo and woo

so lately i've been busier than ever,

friday: had friend round, watched comic relief and ate chinese

saturday: saw friends (and not so) in toon, had tea, was great, went to Maker fair with silly and wonderful people, saw Mr Fortune and his ladyfriend off and then spent ages talking about friendships past and present with staff of Travelling Man, had rest of night with phonecalls and relative quiet (much needed)

sunday: went to friends house further into the wilds of Fenham/Denton

monday: went to the station, helped hastily arrange an interview, pulled out and arranged and installed lots of equipment, had two meetings then went for a very nice drink with a friend and proceeded to inbibe too many TVR's

and we come to today, have TRIED to stay oblivious of radio stuff - too many arseholes calling/emailing and NOT letting me have a day off! Ended up biting tongue tonight (not litrally) as yet another imposition is forced upon me...

Can't wait till end of April, them be the days that i shall call my deadline - by then i'll hopefully have slimmed down my posessions and made the final decision on where im living etc, it would be wise to get certain conversations over with too but i don't see it happening...

none left

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 12:24:20 GMT

Yesterday my grandma died. My mam phoned me pretty much minutes after she heard the news from the nursing home - which was freaky since then all i could think about was "oh, this happened just now" so if i believed in heaven or hell or spirits or anything she'd just be on her way now.

Anyway, point of entry, to kinda speak of death - the big taboo, and consider how unaffected by it i seem to be.
In all seriousness i've never been a griever, death just doesn't make the tear ducts operate more than anything else does for me. I remember my first grandad dying and my mother gathering us all together in the front room and telling us, she instigated a group hug and all i could offer to my family was "i'm the only one not crying" - which now makes me cringe at my stupid 8(*?) year old self as it must have seemed like a slap in the face to my mother.

Years later i pondered why i never cried or grieved, after my nana (again mother's side) died i did feel bad, again didn't really cry and while helping my mum clear out the house was just thinking of how mum was really. Death hit my mum hard i think, she lost both parents and was the only sibling still living up north, the youngest of them all, and had to deal with the funeral arrangements etc. Her parents were quite old when she was born and she did resent them for it as they were 50+ when she was a teenager.

Last year (or was it 2007?) my grandad on my father's side died. He was unliked and his funeral was only attended by my mother and father. The rest of my father's brothers and sisters refused to go. I can't blame them as he used to come in drunk and beat them. Hatred like that really doesn't HAVE to be put aside for the niceties of a funeral. My father was upset despite the history, it suprised a few of us but he had kept in contact and used to do a lot of things for him since he was still family and he had no-one else.

My grandma who just passed away we called "Bobo" or "Bo". It stemed from her not wanting to be called "grandma" as it was old sounding so the first grandchild, my couin, got to name her, and "Bobo" it was. Everyone called her that. She used to be a fun person, i'm lucky that i have memories of her before dementia kicked in, i discussed them with my brother a few weeks ago who couldnt remember much of her cooking us fish finger sandwiches in the microwave when she'd come down and babysit on a friday night. Or of her ghost stories (she was a firm believer in ghosts) and her long war-stories as she lived through the second world war and was nearly killed a number of times.

Her home was sold a number of years ago as she needed to be looked after, my father took her into our home after much arguements between the seven siblings about putting her in a home and money. To this day i don't have a lot of respect for that side of my family who stopped talking to my father for daring to claim some money for caring for my grandma. (Oh god i never thought about the upcoming shitstorm of any will...)
Anyway my grandma grew worse and often would say she hated my mother/father and that she wanted to die/run away. It was crushing for them and frustrating as she would have good days and bad - good days she would sit watch tv and knit. Bad days she would go for a walk and end up going missing. In any event after over a year she was falling over so much it was apparent she needed to go in a home.

Oh i forgot to mention, as i was an infrequent visitor to the home on the day's i would go back home to stay a day or two my grandma would cry, constantly. She usually garbled something about me "ignoring her" or she would simply cry and cry in my presence. She wasn't 100% wrong, i would have nothing to say to my grandma when i visited besides the usual niceties, she couldnt have much of a conversation as she forgot things half way through a sentence and she was very deaf. Her crying meant i'd usually not stay for very long as i knew me being in the house upset her.

When she was moved into a nursing home my father and mother visited everyday for a long while, then finally the family started speaking again and other family members visited her too. My mother would cut her hair and both my mum and dad took her fruit and sweets and tidied her room, my father would often ask my grandma "what are you holding on for" as she was now over 85 and had lost most of her faculties. The question was obviously rhetorical as she couldn't understand things most of the time. When i visited my mum and dad there was often the option to go see Bo on the way back to Newcastle. Despite knowing the outcome in advance i did go in about 50% of the time and as predicted she'd cry and sometimes not even know me. Also it is worth noting that nursing homes constantly smell of urine and old people will follow you. You have been warned.

So, all in all i don't react to death, and this isn't me internalising things. I may have a few tears at some point - i did a number of years after my nana died just thinking of how she never saw me go to university and really grow up. My main feelings are for my parents, i wouldn't call my family hugely close, hugs aren't standard fare and speaking of feelings is not how i was raised i guess, not the working class way (that sounds stupid but i can't articulate it very well)

I'm sad how my two grandmothers went, both had some form of dementia, (unsure if both were diagnosed with it) and were not at their best in any sense. My first grandad died of a stroke, my second died in his sleep. Im not a believer in heaven or hell, though i will curse god's name a lot. i think when you die that's it. Reincarnation or another life would make me angry - to think we have to go through this crap all over again. In any sense, in all 4 cases they're better off gone now, not one of them was particularly happy with their lot at the end of it.

If i take anything away from all my grandparents lives and deaths, it's that i'll be glad if i die younger. Losing your senses and your sense of self is something i would hate - though it's unlikely that i'd be aware it was happening. My mother and father are aware they too may go this way as more and more people in the world live longer and a higher percentage of elderly people get some form of dementia. They've instructed me to put them in a home as soon as possible and to not bother with anything expensive in the way of a funeral.

Speaking of funerals i have never attended one and it's with my mother's blessing who says "don't go to one until you HAVE to" I fully expect the first one i go to will be the same one i have to arrange, for my parents.

All in all, this has gotten some things out, and if you've read it all then thank you :)
*Phe*

* i think i was 8, my memory being what it is i dont actually remember dates/years of when my family have passed away.

it's been a long time...

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 15:02:20 GMT

(now shoot yourself for completeing that song verse)

HELLO!
Er, is anyone still listening?
ah well, it's me. Chebbs. I'm "still alive" and i have spent this lazy sunday catching up on peoples diaries/LJ/flickrs/etc

Well seems i have a lot to catch up on really. Instead of a long-rambly entry though, i'd like to create a list - one of my well-known loves. This list dear reader, is of my skills - ask away for any explanations.

Chebbs' Skills list - because she quit her job 2 weeks ago and needs to think about such things.

enaging people in conversation, connecting with all walks of life
turning people round to her way of thinking
audio editing skills - quickest fingers on the draw!
music making skills - one day i'll get round to uploading something
raio presenting skills - they wouldnt give me a radio show otherwise
management skills - and all the toss that goes with them
teaching others skills i possess
talking to children / adults with learning difficulties / speakers of other languages and anyone who needs me to explain things to them - without being an ass
taking apart and putting back together electronic equipment - any equipment
biting my own toenails (not something i DO, but CAN DO)
taking photographs
"x"-ing friends who aren't worth my time
holding a grudge
baking - any cakes/muffins/pastries/sweet things
using up any leftovers
cooking - basic meals that taste good but might not alwasy look it
making a GREAT cuppa
internet skillz - seriously i can find you ANYTHING on the net
fixing pc's - something i don't like admiting to cos it then means you're asked ALL THE TIME
drawing pictures - more comics than realism
remembering all the songs released in the uk from 1988 onwards - give or take
holding a vast knowledge of song lyrics - both good and indifferent
knowledge of the Marvel universe inside and out
self loathing - at times
the ability to talk down any company trying to get money out of me
sending very indignant letters to companies who wrong me
a sense of hearing envied by many
the ability to drink a copious amounts of TVR without much in the way of after-effect
the ability to drink a lot and not turn into an alcoholic
the tolerance - for a time- to put up with those that annoy, to get on with business
a large vocabulary
an actual interest and understanding of politics
an outlook on life that can be swayed and changed if presented with sufficient evidence
skills to "jury-rig" equipment in times of need
the ability to think on her feet
a sense of humor that has been described in many an adjective
the often overlooked skill to walk away when things are just NOT going to change
MAD SKILLZ at videogames, pretty much any, cept dont ask me to touch a playstation (ew)

you know, theres many many more that i shall add too but for now i must spend a "ickle" time telling you what has happened since November 2008

*Canada was great, i am amiss in not devoting a whole entry to it, but im little by little uploading all my 300+ photos on flickr.com
previously i had given thought to moving there, upon relfection its MUCH more American-ised than i'd like, but still, nice place to visit.

*Xmas was, okay. nothing special. Im still annoyed at friends - even in their late 20's still running back to mommy's for xmas. I would prefer a friends round, easy-going xmas but it never happens. Maybe next year. I felt good abotu present buying this year after my 2/3 years of being too skint to buy for anyone.

*January i snapped up a new camera, second hand digital slr with a lot of extras for under £200. Very pleased i was and stil lam. Now have more of an excuse for photo-days. Pity my two photo friends have moved! *waves fist at Erika and Debs*

*February i got out of the council-job i'd been in for over 6months. It was a temp thing but there were a lot of reasons to leave - the biggest being the re-emergence of my shoulder blade problem and the complete ineefectual middle management that i could not abide any longer. Im NOT, nor will i ever be, one of those people who bites there tongue and ignores unfairness in any form.

* Feb 20th was my and Dev's anniversary of 3 years - i think he mentioned that's "Leather" in the whole "assign a thing to a year" scale. We didn't make a big deal of it, i never like things like valentines/anniversary - we feel the same way on those days as we do the other 364 of the year! regardless i bought him some port syrp things since he loves port and sweet things and he bought me a little bottle of the Harajuku Girls fragrence - Music.

which leads us here. I still live with Dev and G, though for how much longer i cannot say. Our washing machine broke on friday. I am going to bleach my fringe soon. I have Wii Fit but havent been on it in a week. G is still with his girlfriend and still keeps his girlfriend and his friends very seperate which is ass. Dev still wont chuck anything out ever. I still love tea in all forms. G has a new job as a graphic designer (finally). Another of my friends is off to another country - i'm running out of friends. Dev has a new PC. I'm building two PCs. G now co-chairs programming with me at the radio station - this is not a mutually beneficial arrangement right now as i'm doing the work. I'm looking to re-train and maybe do another degree. Dev also wants to do another degree - in medical law - to become even more useful to the medical industry. I still hate middle-class people. My brother is growing up really fast and he seems to have inherited some sense too (i take credit). My parents might be moving to blackpool (weirdos). I still present my radio show but am less and less enthused because i know that even my friend reading this now don't listen, so how can i expect anyone else to? Come April i'm going to be selling/giving away a good percentage of the things i own, the aim is to own the least amount of things as possible.

that is all.
chebbs

what

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 17:54:30 GMT

am back in uk

never had jetlag before, finding out it sucks ass

dont feel well, no good sleep for 3 days and missed thurs/fri work (not that thats too bad a thang)

have bites on my arms and legs from somewhere, came up yesterday, am worried

bad stomach and a lot of organising to do, need more time for body-clock-righting and xmas and washing clothes and tidying and things

will try to eat now, and then if im not asleep upload some photies

*phezzzzzzzzzzzz

Vacation-away-response...

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 00:40:59 GMT

Today i spent a good portion of time wondering how complicated a bus journey it may be from Vancouver airport to a b&b and back again five days later. Yes, as you may have gleamed in a mere few days i will be venturing on my first *real* international experience / holiday, which is becoming more and more an experiment in how nervous a Phoenix can get in the days leading up to the actual holiday.

Whilst i'm not a nervous flyer (as far as i can tell) or a general stress-head, i am, shall we say, not-fond of the unknown. I'm a tad perturbed by the vast unknown-ess of travel plans, our crazy 7 (that's SEVEN!) plane journeys over the whole EPIC adventure and the prospect of being a total tourist as i fumble around two cities and one town with Canadians looking at me strangely.

Ah well

It is, of course, all going to be fine. Mr Devlin has arranged a crapload of things (as i'm a total noob when it comes to holidays) and i just have one more day of organising to do (am working Monday and Tuesday, doesn't leave much time for frantic worrying / packing - not that that will stop me)

So i guess this is "au revoir" for the next 2-3 weeks. We will be flying on the 12th November and arriving in Toronoto around 4pm local time (craxy time travel adventures!) our plans from there include madcap fun with my online chum Joe who some may know as www.dpad.ca creator, and his lovely new wife Emily. then we journey onto Kamloops to see the ever-lovely n sexy Chani monkey. And then a hop to Vancouver for another good few nights till we return home to our fair Isle.

I expect to come back with some sort of Canadian presents for all and a suitcase full of jetlag, if anyone has any last minutes requests/well wishes and or things to do/see in Canada then get them in quick!

And finally, if something untoward does happen - and i'm not talking about when you see me on the news being arrested for screaming "WE OWN YOU BIOTCHES! GIVE ME TEQUILA OR I'LL GET OUR QUEEN TO DECLARE WAR ON YOU!" from the top of the CN Tower - that's inevitable, no i'm talking if some fool blows up my plane or i get trampled by a moose. Then i think you know what you all must do... *breath*

Avveeeeennngeeeee Meeeeeeeeee

See you back here on the 27th Nov
*Sporadic FlickR and Twitter updates may be available if your interested in my moose antics

open mic, punk rock nite

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 19:14:59 GMT

eated: beans on toast and the remainders of the bag of popcorn

listening: Cake discography (after mention of wedding Cake)

chatting: friend Joe (from Canada), friend Ed (now in Manchester)

wearing: work clothes still (admittedly not that smart)

accessories: a french badge that says "shoe porn" (in french), a self made bead bracelet, a €1 orange watch from my brother a few years back

complaints: hands itch, boyfriend is not at home, want a cuppa

real illness: still present, hurts to eat, hurts to not eat

realisations: haven't updated in so long no-one will have been aware i was ill, have been working for over 2 months and in that time have had little to no inclination to be on the net since typing on a computer is 80% of job

to do list: make lavender bags, finish painting, make show reel, look for new job, plan for holiday (just over a month, November 12th we leave!) buy food in, update radio show stuff, build my new pc

liking: having some money, the house to myself for once, the awesome relationship im in that hasnt faltered even after 2 & 1/2 years

hating: not having time to spend money (even on food) being tired all time, illness that hasnt gone away but that the nurse at the hospital walk-in centre didnt want to hear about, the boyfriends lack of tidy, the coldness that i can feel

this week: doing radio show (wed) eating a meal out (thurs) playing games with friends (fri) spending time at radio station (sat) and maybe lying in (sun)

feelings: havent written an entry that isnt just me updating people on what i've done in a while, thought about the diary entries i used to write on OD years ago, i was very open with feelings (to a point) and confessed a lot of crap - very good for the soul. Will attempt that again;

feeling like my future is a little more secure than i've ever felt before, mostly due to Chris in all honesty, this is both nice and yet terrifying, not because i fear comittment or anything - i was the first to approach him about us being in a relationship and the first to mention living together on our own someday (that conversation didnt go so well intially!) anyway its more that i've always been used to thinking that i could be anywhere and doing anything (or even dead) in the next 5 years (didnt mean that morbidly, just realistically) i've never been a plannign person, unlessi ts for the next week (and even then, limited)

So yeah, strange place to find myself in given my thoughts about myself, relationships and general state-of-the-world when i was first bitten by the blogging bug. Wouldnt change it for the world though... incidentally the world is ending, and before that even happens in about 5 years the econemy and money in general will be kaput, you should plan to raise chickens now, liek for exchanges and such. Me? I'm going to get fit, learn survival techniques, and stake a claim in a mountain hideaway somewhere... i'll send a pigeon when i get there...

Phe :)

cocktails, fondue and resigned pawing...

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 21:07:08 GMT

hey gang
hmmm, seems unlikely that i'm gonna get a huge turn out for this years housewarming (didnt actually have one last year, was hoping to make up for it)
but hey, despite the re-organisation last week to this week a lot of people are complaining about last minuteness... ya boo sux

anyway, been a long while since i had an awesome party (and boy did i used to throw some awesome parties...) shit man, LOADS of people used to turn up to my shindigs, and then some!

ah well, those were the carefree days of youth i guess, everybody is too bothered about money and work methinks (yawnsome life?)

so, in other news, post me-getting-hammered-on-all-my-booze-with-a-couple-friends
i have other things planned, awesome things

for one, me and Dev are going to Canada!
yepsum, finally, after years of wanting to take a trip out there i'm able to a) just about afford it, and b) have someone awesome to go with :) *glee*
so November is the month, and we'll be visiting my friend Joe (creator of webcomic dpad) in Toronto and venturing over to BC to see good mate Chani :)

should be awesome, and is currently free-form as anything, flights booked but nothing else :D

other things to report, but am currently a)still tidying flat cos i aint had time cos of work to actually UNPACK very well/completely and b)hungry as a dawg, and bereft of food in the house... well except cheese (for fondue) and some random ingrediants...

gonna make tea... at far too late an hour

*Phe*

um...

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 20:00:16 GMT

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tyne/7551982.stm

ten mins away from where i now live, across the raod from my friend Hev's house (her whole street is cornerd off, and yes, that's her in the report i work with her at el radio station)

um.. bugger, maybe i should have stuck to the east end o' newcastle

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 16:39:33 GMT

i have internet again (folowing move to Fenham, still unpacking btw)

so expect me internet-prodding people and sexy, sexy photos to follow

*Phe*

also party soon, very probably next sat (the 16th, do come and puke in my toilet)

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:37:22 GMT

ok, so

2 weeks are up, i did my time in "Gateway to Work" and the end result is:
a) i hate humankind more
b) i actually did change my cv slightly
c) i got free sandwiches and crisps for a week (gave crisps away to Dev/G as they're full of fatty crap)
d) i got a job
e) i got a buspass

so yeah, d) being the one you all went "buh!?" at
yeah, i've had 3 days of employment so far and you know what?
it isnt bad

i mean it IS bad, in a number of ways that are causing me to despair...
but it's not the worst thing in the world, flexible, easy work, and nearly £8per hour so, yeah i'm off the dole anyway

reasons being bad though:
a) i only have 2 tasks to do
b) there's at least 1 woman in the office who's going to do my tits in
c) no free sandwiches
d) my shoulder pains are back
e) it sounds like everyone bar 3 women in the office are leaving this job...

again d) being the clincher
Incidentally I've phoned my doctor and his ever-so-helpful advice (after me explaining every minute detail of why i'm worried i cant do this work, where can i go from here employment wise, i dont want to live my life on pills, i've only had one physio appointment and they wern't helpful... etc) his advice was "Oh those last pills seemed to work, see how they go for a while and then we'll see if you need to go back to physio/muscoskeletal

*N.B both physio and muscoskeletal cant find anything wrong and physio basically told me to watch my posture... helpful advice indeed.

so i'm bummed, and wondering if i'm wasting people's time by letting them train me up, just for me to end up on the sick again, taking painkillers for a year and becoming comepletely unemployable... *sigh*

oh hello, it's 2006 all over again

in other news if i feel up to it my radio show is on tonight 9pm-11pm GMT www.ne1fm.com/live.m3u
listen if you wish, and yes Vinny/others, i know i need to update the podcast-ery goodness of our past shows (i'm so behind on everything)

Addendum:
holy crap batman, we're moving next Thursday! (have only packed 2 boxes...)

once more into the breach...

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 07:11:47 GMT

hey all, just the quickest of entries to say "wow, it's been a while" and also - i'm off today to start the dreaded 2 week long course, NEW F*?@£!N DEAL rears it's ugly head again.

If i survive being treated like a moron and a 2nd class citizen (i havent so far, i usually quit when i get to this stage) i'll update you on how horrid and "Pauline's Pens" it is... (and it IS, i know)

but yeah, 2 weeks of people treating me like i cant write a letter or get a cv done or anything, i know i havent got a job but my god i'd rather gut myself than go through this

*phe*

poofter

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 10:42:35 GMT

hi gang,
this weeks show was a bit "ugh", apologies if anyone listened, it wasn't my best
got a bit annoyed, it's me who spends a day each week picking music, checking it and researching it, and ultimately me who has to come up with topics of coversation too, the operation of every twiddly knob and button and well... some help wouldn't go amiss from my 2 co-presenters *sigh*

ok, onto other things

moving soon "wooooooot!"

getting back into helping out at radio station, after a month or so break (ah sweet relief)

Dole are hassling me, going onto New Deal again *sigh* that ain't fun

annnnd i've run out of a)time and b)things that are going on in my life
so, lave a question, and i'll answer it, if it's about music doubly so! :)

sitting at computer in a towel (again)

Wed, 28 May 2008 10:23:35 GMT

Listening to music for tonights show (if you don't listen to my show, your a bad man/woman... go on, at least listen to ONE? cheers!)

Anyway, horrid cramps and backache today, barely being staved off by my rock-hardness and the distraction of finding awesome music

As of sunday me n Dev are fine, took a bit of alcohol, tears and a cuppa - but it's all sorted now and we're back to where we should be

Looking forward to move, i can't help it, im an alien, i like moving, the very process is very 'cleansing'
and yes, there will be a flat warming, i will warn everybody now, i'm expecting visits for you all in 2months time, there will be a costume theme (probably)

Also gorging on free food right now, being poor one can never turn down freebies, but now have more bread than i know what to do with, methinks i might heed a friends advice and try making for the first time, bread n butter pudding

Haven't got long to get the music for tonights show, am getting my ass more involved with the station again, a friend wisely said yesterday that things won't change without me there pushing for the things i want to change... dont you just hate it when others are right?

Ok, gonna get dressed, gonna find silly music for my excellent radio show (not trying to sound immodest but we have had a lot of good comments and praise lately, people REALLY like the show and i'm thrilled, am now planning something special for the Green Festival coming up in Newcastle, where me and co-presenters will be masking our identities and going round doing the 'roving reporter' thing!)

Lots of stuff to do before next week, lots of people to catch up with, need a few extra days, (and a job still)

*Phe*

still getting round to it...

Wed, 21 May 2008 11:02:41 GMT

god i'm crap
anyway over the last few weeks or so, um.... not much going on

im still behind on sorting my radio shows webspace - need to upload like the last 8weeks of programmes, my bad, but G is fantastically doing posters at my request to stick up in the awesome pubs around here

Thurs was G's birthday, went bowling with loadsa peeps, was ace, pictures are funny (G will upload soon) and then had Italian in a deserted italian restaurant!
Saw few people over the weekend, saturday was crap, had an urge to go for a long walk off a short pier, calmed down since then, still feeling poop about the job situations and getting yet another "we don't think your skills/qualifications fit this job" nonsense that comes with being a woefully-underqualified-in-everything-yes-even-retail-but-quite-fucking-qualified-in-radio-but-even-then-no one-recognises-community-radio-as-proper-radio person...

anyway, got a house sorted (yay) living in Fenham come August, nice place, nicer rent, *fingers crossed* lovely landlord

need therefore, to get rid of a LOT of junk, i have accumulated LOTS of things, things that i'd like to ebay/give friends/charity shop there's probably going to be a list appear here soon, so feel free to bagsy anything (lots of ps2 perpherials going, and xbox too, also transformers maybe)

me and Dev hit a snag, don't suppose anyone would want me talking bout it here, but we haven't spoke for nearly 3days... more info when something comes to a head

songs to research and grab for radio show tonight, also got a pain in my back, head and foot, sometimes, it's just EASIER to stay in bed and think about a different life.

on track...

Mon, 12 May 2008 10:39:34 GMT

some things :-

gonna clean and gonna get stuff done (i.e "projects") cos we have 2months till move and i own a lot of junk that needs turning into "things" or chucked out damnit!

need a shower

got to STOP going to a certain website

have spent over 100hrs on pokemon in the last month or so, but have legendary pokemons, so suck it bitches

fancy a break from hot weather, luckily it looks like it's gonna piss it down today

lots to do, radio show still going strong, got to ebay a zillion things.. will get on that once shower...

annoyed...

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:09:14 GMT

but ignore me, i'm just hormonal

1)woken by the metalworks across the road dropping some huge metal thing with a

CLANG

... repeatedly for about 30 mins

2)futher woken by the council/your homes guys finally getting round to our street of the estate and taking out the neighbours windows/kitchen/whatever... felt like someone was banging on my bedroom door

3)have crick in neck

4)feel like im doing everything

5)really dont feel like doing radio show tonight, i have cramps and feel like crying rather than entertaining people (not much of a show-woman am i?)

6)secure in the knowledge i'm not needed at radio station, it's going along nicely without me being there 24/7 (relief?)

7)want to get a house sorted, resigned to knowledge we've left it too late and will end up in a shithole, hate the idiots i live with for not pulling fingers out arse, want to live with people who can make a life choice, despite me failing in that department too

8)cant decide if radio is a life worth persuing, and if i should put effort into it.. means sacrificing a little of who i am, and a very l-o-n-g shot.. but alternative is working in office and killing myself (probs)

9)this is a depressing entry

10)ate all the chocolate bar i bought yesterday, feel sad now, and considering buying Wii Fit (after i stop menstruating) for general fitness increase and silly balancing games

11)big thank you to people who actually listen to my radio show, (Vinny, his dad, Fiona, Gio, Tez, and countless others, many i don't know personally!) you are all lovely people and i WILL make the show better... once i feel less crap. Today is not a great day.

*phe*

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:51:54 GMT

Hi, i'm a female, i'm 26 and yes, i read comics

However this...

Makes me wish i didn't
Lets get one thing straight, women like reading comics, everyone knows this, the idiots on the forums of many a comics board who say otherwise don't know shit, and smell like it.

Anyway, my point?
I loved Ms. Marvel, it's a wonderfully written comic about a woman who is more than just a flying, super strong walking pair of breasts (cue my hatred of most of DC) The character was fleshed out in the recent relaunch of the comic so superbly, and i pushed this comic on everyone saying "look, LOOK damn you! THIS IS GOOD!" In the pages you will find an actual human who's not just about being superhuman, she's incredbly funny and falible and most of all, isn't defined at anytime as being a "female superhero" - which for me, is huge, no cliches, no token stories about rape (thank you)

So, my problem wih this image?
It's just never going to stop, there's never going to be a time where the big companies AREN'T going to use an artist's titty-fucky of a front cover to sell issues of a comic. Screw whats inside, lets have some tits on the cover, that'll get the fanboys drooling.
And i'm sick of it, if it means buying less comics then thats what i'll do, no Marvel, BAD Marvel, you'r NOT getting my money for your sexism. Okay you probably wont care, i mean if Project Girl-Wonder and all the wonderful pro-women in comics sites/journals can't make a dent then i'll figure even less in your estimations... but at least i wont feel sick to my stomache everytime i pick up that comic.

*See also
Marvel doing merchandise WRONG
DC doing it WRONGER
DC not caring if a womans BLACK OR WHITE
Marvel thinking tentacles are sexy
...and more things than i'd like to count... :(

me, twitter and net people...

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:49:30 GMT

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 21:06:48 GMT

Ahhhh
god my feet hurt

got back from long day of protesting today
you may have heard about the protests against the "church" of Scientology
(keep up with protests near you here)
Today's protest was to highlight the "church"'s policy of disconnecting members from their families - see www.reconnect.org for more info or even www.whyweprotest.org

also, if you eve wondered how batshit insane they all are, Wikileaks has an interesting few documents that they aquired, basically spelling out all the teachings of Scientology - for free (normally you'd spend hundreds of thousands of pounds to learn about Xenu and all that shit)

link here, may go down if the church get their own way -
http://wikileaks.org/wiki/Church_of_Scientology_collected_Operating_Thetan_documents
(be warned, you might need to google the many terms they use, lots of non-layman speak)

so, quite a sucessful day i'd say, got new protest friends, spent a nice time and got to say the immortal line upon approaching my fellow annoymous and joining them
"I came for cake, and because i heard you liek mudkips"

epic win

*In further detail, we think the Scientologists are taking the ignore them approach, certainly they didn't do much but watch us and seemingly get a bit narked when a few charv's joined us and started screaming at them. Fun times.

take me down to somewhere, somewhere...

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:49:20 GMT

wellllll

it seems i'm older, yes the Phoenix had a burfday, thanks to the few that could make it out, we had many a cocktail in honor of friendship, or some such thing

Not too exciting, i had a meal with my boyfriend, my brother and his girlfriend
*i recieved one birthday card from my family
*i had ??? drinks bought for me (sorry, i got drunk and forgot)
*and i've now got a piece of paper with birthday scribbles over it...and lions

there was a part of me that wanted to moan about the lack of interest/people
but i guess it's just one of those things

------
in other news,
*my radio show goes strong
*i'm giving blood again today
*i love toast too much
*playing Umbrella chronicles - it's h'awesome

so there you have it, exciting life
any questions? all answered...

no time to talk...

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:42:38 GMT

as usual

ok, to recapp

work:Radio station has taken a big drop in my life, dont want to be there because i just dont see the organisation working, lots of problems, and not keen to be around certain people full stop, nevermind 'work' with them. Am around when specifically asked and help out with community work, but very much lost my footing when it comes to the place.
Still doing my radio show though, and tragically have a facebook group for it *sigh*

friends:Been trying to see more people, failing in part, but did have a Jim and Fi up at the weekend, was okay, if not stilted by a)bad weather and b)everybody being tired all the time
I crashed out myself on sat night, due to taking painkillers for my shoulder, tried to have a "20min nap" and told Dev to wake me up... 4hrs later i woke up and it was bedtime. Conclusion? Painkillers screw up your plans.
Have got semblance of new people to hang with though, have couple presenters from station who're signed up for drinks, and always have sunday plans with Paul n Lauren, which is cool.

life:Had bits of mild panic, lots of questions about where im going (if anywhere at all) in life as the job front is still non-existant and depressive, and everyone is making noises to leave Newcastle, even Dev. Have considered, and dismissed living anywhere else, i want to be here, and cant afford to be anywhere else. Liking the fact i'm turning 26 in 5days time, no plans for birthday yet - maybe a chinese out and drinks over a coupe days.

Well, it's that time again, i have a radio show tonight and haven't prepared yet... *sigh* one day i'll get round to doing EVERYTHING i put on hold

*Phe* - the theme for tonights show is "body" (which lets me play 'bottom' related songs!)

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:49:24 GMT

tired, post more later...

for now, someone give me a theme for this weeks Programmed For Damage ?...cheers